


Crash Course

by garbage_dono



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bonding, F/M, Flirting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garbage_dono/pseuds/garbage_dono
Summary: Lance gives Hunk a lesson in flirting.





	Crash Course

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to jayphrax on tumblr for letting me write a fic about their super-cute [Hidge headcanon.](http://jayphrax.tumblr.com/post/172396695531/a-concept-aka-hidge-headcanon-bcs-i-needed-to-say)

“Lance…how do you do that?”

Lance was halfway out of his helmet, and he turned toward the question with an inquisitive hum. Hunk had a deep furrow between his brows, his head tilted like he was a big, curious puppy. “Do what?” Lance asked him with a grin.

But Hunk just sighed. He looked tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping. Weird, considering that their latest mission had been easy as pie. All he’d had to do was charm a few locals, stand there and look pretty while Hunk showed off his piloting skills in Yellow. It had all gone smoothly enough, and yet Hunk seemed exhausted. “You’re so charming, you know? Good with the ladies…you know, when you’re not getting slapped.”

“Hey! That only happened once…”

“On the last mission,” Hunk laughed, but his smile didn’t stick around long. “I guess I was just hoping…I could get some advice.”

Lance smirked. “With a girl?” He slung an arm around Hunk’s shoulders. “Or a guy – either way, good on you, buddy. So who’s the lucky one, huh? That cute girl from Balmera?”

“Shay? N-no! I mean, she’s great, but…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her…”

“Someone else then? C’mon, give me a hint!”

“Lance…” Hunk’s face was a deep shade of red, practically steaming. It was damn hilarious, but maybe he’d been tortured enough.

“Okay, okay. I’ll give you a crash course, promise.” Lance patted him on the back, the sound of his palm rapping against Hunk’s armor reverberating through the hangar. “One lesson with me, and you’ll be irresistible to anyone this side of the Karthan-Sigma Quadrant!”

Hunk’s smile could have lit up the entire castle.

* * *

 

Lance surveyed the mall from the top of the escalators, drawing a deep breath and letting it out with a grin. “Ahh…alright, Hunk. You ready to see the master at work?”

“At…work?” Hunk rose a brow. “I know you said you were going to give me a crash course, but you were pretty vague on what that was supposed to mean, man.”

“You learn best on the job!” Lance insisted. “C’mon, you’ll do great! With big scary Varkon out of the way, it should be smooth sailing. You know, as long as we keep you away from the food court. We don’t want you getting chained to any more sinks.”

“Hey, I did a lot of good chained to that sink, I’ll have you know,” Hunk fired back.

“Yeah, yeah…but we don’t have time for that. We’re on a mission. A non-Voltron-related mission, but an important mission none the less! Operation _Get Hunk Laid!_ ”

Hunk choked. “W-what? No! No, no, it’s not like that!”

“Dude, relax – you said you wanted to learn, right? This place is full of beautiful ladies just waiting to be wooed. Course it might help if I knew more about who you’re interested in…”

Hunk was blushing again, not meeting his eye. This had to be interesting…and Lance wasn’t about to let it go that easily. “Come _on!_ Give me something! Anything! What are they like, huh? Tall? Short? Fat? Skinny? Even a master can’t work with nothing!”

“Okay!” Hunk groaned. “Uh…well…they’re smart. Funny. Pretty, too, but I never really cared about that. I…I guess I always cared more about their brain and personality and stuff like that…”

“Alright, you big softie,” Lance chuckled. It still wasn’t much to go on, but he knew that look in Hunk’s eyes. It was the same one he got when he was taking a batch of cookies out of the oven. Pure, unadulterated love. Big guy had one hell of a crush…

It was kind of cute. Actually very cute. But they still had a job to do.

“C’mon,” he said. “I think I’ve found our first target.”

“Do you have to say it like that? You make it sound like we’re assassins or something…”

But Lance was already dragging him down the escalator. “Time for lesson number one, buddy. The introduction – most important part of any relationship is the first impression.”

Hunk swallowed. “Uh…might be a little late for that.”

“It’s never too late to pour on the charm! Just relax…see one, do one, you know? Just watch and learn…” He let go of Hunk’s arm and slicked back his hair, checked his breath – he could use a mint, but he was alright for now.

He sauntered up to the group in front of him, doing his best to ignore the fact that all three of them towered over him by at least a foot. He could deal – he’d always thought tall ladies were sexy, even if they were covered in blue scales and had claws about as long as his forearm. He’d just have to be extra careful not to say anything that offended him…

Not that he planned on that anyway. Claws or no.

“Afternoon, ladies,” he said, and three heads turned toward him. No, six heads. And about sixty eyes at first count. Possibly more. No problem. He wouldn’t be dissuaded so easily. “I bet you get this all the time, but…those eyes are gorgeous.”

All sixty of those gorgeous eyes blinked at him. And he could feel another two staring at him from behind the fountain. Hunk was a lot of things, but subtle was not one of them. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “Do you all come here often? Because I’m sure I’d remember seeing you.”

The next thing he heard was the sound of six heads laughing, flashing six sets of very, _very_ sharp fangs as hey did. Damn, their teeth were almost as intimidating as those claws. He gulped. Maybe this was too advanced for lesson one…

“Are all Earthlings this tiny?” one of them giggled, leaning closer with _both_ heads.

“ _Who are you calling tiny-_ “ He felt an arm on him – a human one, not one tipped with twelve inch claws, thank God. Hunk took him by the shoulder as the three aliens walked away laughing. Probably for the best…those claws were making him antsy.

“Um…so…should I be taking notes, or…”

Lance sighed. “Sure – lesson one, Hunk. Sometimes a lady just isn’t interested.”

“I thought you said lesson one was about the importance of a good first impression.”

“Right – that too. The second thing is lesson one-point-five.” He turned to face him, putting those claws and teeth and sixty-plus eyes out of his mind. “Please tell me this crush of yours only has a single-digit number of eyes. And preferably no big scary fangs.”

“N-no. No fangs. And just two eyes.” He bit his lip. “Two really nice eyes…”

“We get it, you’re whipped,” Lance sighed, smiling none the less. “C’mon, let’s find another practice partner, huh? Lesson two is never give up! There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Er…plenty of aliens in the space mall. Whatever metaphor floats your boat.”

“Uh…that second one isn’t much of a metaphor if you take it literally,” Hunk said, and a moment later he mumbled, “And I’m not _whipped…_ ”

Lance didn’t bother arguing, even if he knew Hunk couldn’t be further from the truth. Whoever this crush of his was, they had the big guy wrapped around their little finger. Or claw. He still wasn’t sure.

It wasn’t long before they found their next mark – closer to eye level than the first ones, but all muscle with a jaw square enough to put Shiro to shame and four hands the size of Lance’s head, at least. Not exactly his type, but he still hadn’t managed to get anything out of Hunk when it came to his mystery lover-to-be, so maybe it was just what he needed. “Alright, time for lesson two,” he said with a smile.

“Uh…you sure? With them? Are uh…are you sure that’s a lady alien?”

“Hey, you never know! But even if not, I don’t discriminate. The universe is too big for that, don’t you think?” He winked. “Always worth a shot.” He turned on his heel and faced his target, but it looked like he’d been spotted first. Their yellow eyes – just two of them, thank God – were staring at him as he approached. “Hey there, beautiful.” He leaned on the wall beside them. “You know, I was feeling a little off today, but then I saw you, and I’m suddenly feeling much more turned on.”

If the alien had eyebrows, Lance had a feeling they would have cocked one. “What?” That voice was a deep baritone – the kind that rumbled its way into Lance’s ears and made his shiver.

“Well, uh…I guess I was just wondering if you had a ship nearby.”

“No,” his mark said. “No ship.”

“Huh…must just be my heart taking off.”

The silence that followed was far from comfortable. Bordering on disheartening. It was broken by another deep rumbling, “What?”

Lance fumbled with his words, just for a moment. “Um…are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only-“

“What is a…Tennessee?”

Right. Duh. Alien. Get it together, Lance. But he didn’t have long to focus on his momentary lapse of common sense – the ground rumbled beneath him, once, again, rhythmically. Like something was approaching from behind them.

He turned and – oh. Hunk froze up beside him. “B…big…”

“Uh…” Lance stared up at the figure that towered over them, a hulking dark mass covered in thorny growths sticking out from between thick plates of armor. Four red eyes stared down at him as the creature bared its massive fangs and growled.

“ _Are you talking to my mate?_ ”

“Hunk…” Lance breathed, blindly reaching out until he found his friend’s arm and grabbed it tightly. “Lesson four – three? Whatever, just run!”

He had to give Hunk credit, he was a quick study when it came to fleeing the scene. That was something, at least.

They caught their breath once they were safely out of sight, doubled over in the bathroom and waiting for their legs to stop shaking. “Okay…” Hunk gasped, “I don’t wanna die here, dude. You didn’t tell me these lessons of yours came with so many _risks._ ”

“There’s always a risk – that’s part of the thrill!”

Hunk groaned. “I don’t _want_ thrill! I just…I just want to figure out how to tell her how I feel…”

“Oh, so it is a her,” Lance grinned. Well, that was one mystery solved. At least it could narrow their pool. A her with no fangs and two pretty eyes. Still didn’t help much in terms of figuring out just who had one Hunk’s big lovable heart, but it was a step in the right direction. “Tell me…do I know her?”

“Lance…”

“Hey, humor me, buddy. I’m putting my life on the line for you here.”

“ _Both_ our lives,” Hunk reminded him, and he sighed. “You’ve…you’ve met her. Once or twice.”

“Once or twice, huh…is she from the Garrison? You got a girl back home you haven’t told us about?”

He swore he saw Hunk’s blush deepen. “Even if I did, there wouldn’t be much point now, would there? Not when we’re so many lightyears away and in the middle of an intergalactic war.”

“So not someone back on Earth, then…still, you sure seem like they’re worth going after, intergalactic war aside.” He frowned. “It’s not Allura is it?”

“No! No, it’s not Allura…” He gripped the hem of his shirt, twisting it between his hands. “Maybe we ought to just go. I don’t want to get smushed into the tile and leave Voltron without an arm and a leg.”

“Hell no, I told you – lesson two, man. Never give up! Especially before you’ve even started.” He nudged Hunk toward the door. “C’mon, you’re up.”

“What?”

They emerged from the bathroom to find a bustling crowd. The perfect opportunity to jump right back in. “Alright buddy,” he said with a smile and a pat on Hunk’s shoulder. “Pick someone. Anyone. Preferably someone your height or shorter with fewer than ten eyes, but whatever floats your boat.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” Hunk asked, hands shaking.

“Have you been paying attention at all? Flirt! Or just be nice. Compliment them, make them feel good.” He gave him a strong push toward the crowd. “Go, grasshopper. Make your teacher proud.”

Hunk took a few tentative steps forward, eyes scanning the crowd until he focused in and gulped. Finally, he found his mark – short, green, with a pair of thick lenses perched in front of two bright eyes. Cute, in an alien sort of way. They reminded Lance of a pet parakeet his aunt had had when he’d been little, feathers and all.

“H-hi…” Hunk said, and his target looked up at him. “Um…are you…taking off? Because you look like you’re from Tennessee…”

Lance’s palm had never hit his face faster.

“Uh…” The parakeet-lookalike stared up at him, taking a slow step backward. “I need to…go…”

Just like that, they were gone, and Hunk looked more defeated than ever. “Dude,” Lance said, slapping a hand on Hunk’s shoulder. “That…was awful.”

“I can’t do this…” Hunk groaned.

“Sure you can! You just need more practice!”

“No! I mean I can’t do this! I can’t just…flirt with anyone I meet. Someone I don’t know…that I don’t even care about…It just doesn’t feel right…” He sighed. “Look, I appreciate you trying to help, Lance, but I don’t think this is gonna work.”

Lance’s shoulders drooped. “Yeah, well…maybe we can take a break for today. Sleep on it. Patience yields focus – that’s what Shiro always says, right?” He wrapped an arm around his friend and tugged him toward the escalators again. “C’mon, lets get out of here before that big scary guy finds us again and rips me to pieces…”

He shuddered, and Hunk managed a laugh. So that was something.

* * *

Over the next few days, Lance tried to forget about it, but his mind kept wandering back to Hunk and what he’d said. Just who was this girl he was so taken with? Where had they met? What was she like? Was she human? Something else? He couldn’t stop wondering, and the more he wondered the worse he felt.

Because if anyone deserved love, it was Hunk. And if anyone _didn’t_ deserve to be caught up in some tragic star-crossed love story in the middle of an intergalactic war, it was also Hunk.

Maybe it was out of his hands now. He’d done all he could, and it hadn’t been much.

He focused on his dinner, sighing as he looked up at Hunk and Pidge, laughing about something that he couldn’t make out. There was a tint of color high on Hunk’s cheeks – probably exertion from laughing so hard. He always seemed to laugh so much around Pidge. The two of them were damn near inseparable, always laughing when they were bickering about the merits of double-modulation.

Hunk glanced at him, catching his eye, and his food seemed to get caught in his throat as the color in his cheeks deepened. He coughed and swallowed before scratching his neck and glancing at Pidge again.

“So um…” Hunk said. “Pidge.”

She chuckled, wiping her mouth. “Yeah?”

“Are uh…are you from Tennessee?”

Lance’s spoon clattered onto his plate.

“What?” Pidge stared at him like he’d grown a third arm. “I’m from Minnesota. You know that, dude.”

“Uh…right – I just forgot,” Hunk laughed, his face full-blown scarlet. “N-nevermind…”

He caught Lance’s eye again, looking away a moment later as Pidge laughed and lightly delivered a playful punch to Hunk’s arm. But Lance couldn’t stop staring. At Hunk. At Pidge. Hunk and Pidge.

Damn…he must have been fucking blind not to see it before. He smirked. “You’ll get her one of these days,” he said before picking his spoon up again.

At least there weren’t any claws or fangs in the equation. In that respect, Hunk was already miles ahead of him.   


End file.
